There's just so much to say. So much going on. There's no beginning and no end to what's been happening in the past 2-3 months that I haven't blogged about. Work has completely taken over my life and has affected me in the most negative way possible. I've never been so irritated, hurt and stressed out in my life before. But I can't stop. I can't quit. As much as I want to, I just can't.
Slowly I'm losing touch with myself and I can't get out of this huge hole I've put myself into. I miss my friends. I miss being lazy. I miss sleeping. I miss having a life.
I just want to be appreciated. I want that promotion. I want that raise. I want a lot but it's going at such a slow pace, I don't know if I have the patience for it anymore. Fuck though, I want it badly.
One by one they're getting ill and here I am, selfish me, working 80 hours a week to keep focused and block anything else non-work related out.
I feel like I'm using him as well. Maybe as a safety net or a comfort zone just so I don't have to go home and feel guilty about every time I just walk in straight to my room, then pass out. Why I don't take the time to just sit down and talk to her.
Why am I the way I am right now? What made me this way? Do I blame work? Do I just blame myself for changing my ways?
I don't even know what I want exactly. What I want to do. Should I even go? I'm just wasting money. Countless dollars being put towards some goal that I can't quite achieve because I haven't chosen a path yet. Why am I so indecisive?
Being 19 has only made me feel older than I should be. More exhausted, strained and useless. More like a robot who can't stop what I'm programmed to do.
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